Sisterhood

March 1, 2008 by lydia2007

The thing I love most about growing older is the Sisterhood I now have that my world lacked when I was younger.  Oh, I had sisters and I had female friends; but now it just feels different.  We seem to be there More for one another – in a different way – in a “Sisterhood” sort of way.

One of my sisters sent me this email a few months back which I saved because I liked it so much.

 SISTERS

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.  As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

“Don’t forget your Sisters,” she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass.  “They’ll be more important as you get older.  No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters.  Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.”

“Remember that Sisters means ALL women…your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives, and even women who are not in your immediate circle of family and friends.  You’ll need other women.  Women always do.”

“What a funny piece of advice,” the young woman thought.  “Haven’t I just gotten married?  Haven’t I just joined the couple world?  I’m now a married woman, for goodness sake!  A grown-up!  Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!”

But she listened to her mother.  She kept in contact with her Sisters; and made more women friends each year.  As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.  As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world here is what I’ve learned:

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don’t do what they’re supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT…….

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.  A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.  When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end.

Sometimes they will even break the rules and walk beside you…Or come in and carry you out.  Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family all bless our life!

The world wouldn’t be the same without women, and neither would I.  When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.  Nor did we know how much we would need each other.  Every day, we need each other still.

I do not know who wrote that – but it is making the rounds-and I am glad it crossed my path.  It felt good to acknowledge and give thought to the growing importance of my Sisters in my life. 

I wish this had crossed my path when I was a young woman – I think my heartaches would have been fewer and farther between.

Fully Armed Against Emotional Eating

February 28, 2008 by lydia2007

I wish to thank the sister who forwarded me this link on emotional eating:  http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=596

This article gave me the idea of keeping a food journal and recording in it the impulses to eat that are not hunger related.  It will help me to become more mindful of those times;  and what the underlying triggers are.

They went on to say that emotional eating occurs when we lose our connection to our grounded self.  Nine times out of ten, something has just occurred which causes us to feel helpless, overwhelmed, ashamed, or afraid.

Another helpful suggestion was to make sure you are eating healthy food which will make you less vulnerable to these attacks.  If you are even a little bit hungry, you are more likely to weaken and give in to that urge to eat.

This was unexpectedly confirmed for me this week.  I am intentionally eating more vegetables and grains.  In my mind, the urge to eat has come upon me a few times;  but there is still a fullness in my stomach that discourages the thought of any more food coming in….An unexpected bonus.

Emotional Eating

February 27, 2008 by lydia2007

Putting an end to emotional eating means that I need to find the courage to stand up for myself and my rights - especially with the people who mean the most to me.

It means that I will no longer be able to let those with more powerful energies railroad me into things I don’t want for myself.

It means  that I will no longer pick up responsibilities that belong to other people just because I see a need not being met.

It means that I will no longer let people with passive-aggressive tendencies push my buttons and get a reaction out of me.

It means I will not let other people use their negative energies to contaminate my space and stifle my spirit.

Sometimes the situation will call for me to vocalize my non-acceptance of what is happening.  Other times all it will take is a certain mindset on my part.  “No, I do not accept those words.  I will not even deem them worthy of a response.”

Just because the other person’s headspace is contaminated does not mean that I have to allow it to spill over and affect me even if they are a part of my world – and even if I care about them.

I came across a quote, from an unknown source, that I am going to keep with me for the next little while until these goals are second nature to me:

“Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.”

Destroying myself with food is no longer an option I even choose to consider.  Emotional eating is all about me abusing me so that I won’t say something another person won’t like hearing.

Picking Up The Pieces

February 26, 2008 by lydia2007

A quote from Joseph Campbell goes like this:  “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.”

I was holding on so tight that I never wanted to let go.  But that wasn’t getting me anywhere except further behind.  We are meant to pick up the pieces and move forward.

If I had died first and had to watch him not being able to enjoy the rest of his life, I would be in a grievous state.  Looking at it that way, I realize that I have not been fair to him.

I have not honored his memory by building something good out of what we had together.  I have just been throwing it away, feeling sorry for myself because I didn’t have it anymore. 

I am grateful for what we had together; it is time I started acting like it.

I will take the light from those wonderful memories, and use it to light my path into the future.

I will be grateful for, and make the most of, every day of my life from here on in.

Giving Permission To Die

February 21, 2008 by lydia2007

Six and one-half years my husband has been dead; and finally I am ready to give him permission to die.  Oh, I paid lip service to giving this permission while he was on his deathbed – right up until the actual time of his death.  But from the moment he died, I have held on for all I was worth – not able to let go of him.  He was my anchor.  No man is supposed to be our anchor. 

In his book “Bread For The Journey” Henri Nouwen writes:

“One of the greatest gifts we can offer our family and friends is helping them to die well.  Sometimes THEY are ready to go to God but we have a hard time letting them go.  But there is a moment in which we need to give those we love the permission to return to God, from whom they came.  We have to sit quietly with them and say. ‘Do not be afraid…I love you, God loves you…it’s time for you to go in peace…I won’t cling to you any longer…I set you free to go home…Go gently, go with my love.’  Saying this from the heart is a true gift.  It is the greatest gift love can give.” 

Things We Can Learn From A Dog

February 6, 2008 by lydia2007

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

Take naps, and stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you’re not.

If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle him or her gently.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout…run right back and make friends.

 Anonymous

Abundant Living

February 5, 2008 by lydia2007

I asked for wisdom…
and God gave me problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity…
and God gave me more work.

I asked for courage…
and God gave me danger to overcome.

I asked for love…
and God gave me troubled people to help.

I asked for favors…
and God gave me opportunities.

Anonymous (Islamic Origin)

The Black Pearl

February 1, 2008 by lydia2007

Every time I offered my hand in support – the way one human being would to another – he vehemently slapped it away.

 But we can find a pearl in any oyster if we look for it.

It was a real growing experience for me.

We did not know each other well enough for there to be animosity between us.  I had not been in his life long enough to have unintentionally offended him.

When it happened, I backed up, shaken to the core.  It triggered old wounds.

Then I realized this had everything to do with him, and what was going on inside him.  It had nothing to do with me.

I was able to use his blessing to reframe all the old wounds that also didn’t really have much to do with me.  They were about the other person,  and what was going on for them.

Thanks to this man who was virtually a stranger to me, I am now able to kiss those old injuries to my spirit goodbye.

An Empty Vessel

January 29, 2008 by lydia2007

I honor my values, my commitments to the people in my world.

But they know the truth.  All the time my hands are serving them; my heart is far removed from them.  How could they NOT know?

For whatever reason, these values and subsequent commitments have become Dead to this time – this place.  That death must be acknowledged before Life can be restored.  Before Renewal can take place.

I will no longer put my energies into honoring old values and old commitments.  Now I honor a new commitment – Presence.  It is more important that my heart be in what I’m doing than for me to honor commitments out of habit.

Daily Prayer

January 26, 2008 by lydia2007

In the words of June Carter Cash:

 ”Thank you, oh Lord, for all the wonderful things of this day.  Thank you for all my blessings.  Use me in any way you see fit.  Amen.”

This quote was taken from John Carter Cash’s book, “Anchored In Love”.

It is a prayer that says it all.  Everything that needs saying.  It is the kind of prayer that opens us up to “Be all that We can Be” to ourselves and to others;  and gives thanks to Whom it belongs. 

I pray that I never again get so caught up in my disappointments that I forget to say this prayer – forget to Live this prayer.

Amen!