Life Expectancy Of Grief

It is obvious to me now that I wasn’t trusting God to do His part – to change me from the inside out – to heal me.

I kept saying “I turn my will and my life over to You.”  But they were just empty words.  Words I wish I meant; but didn’t.  I had lost my trust in God – lost my connection with Him.  I wasn’t about to turn my life over to somebody I could no longer trust with it.

Daily I continued trying to force change on myself that I was not ready for.  Changes that would come naturally if I just stopped resisting the Life Force and learned to trust again.

But we just have to ride these things out – continuing to step forward into the future as we feel ready.  It is scary to stay broken for so long.  Our egos keep telling us that we have to fix ourselves and move forward.  Death is just around the corner if you don’t smarten up.  The world is still going on without you.  It’s passing you by. 

You had better “get with it”.

But it is through our brokenness that we find God.  And only THEN is it really safe to move forward.

Daily Prayer

In the words of June Carter Cash:

 ”Thank you, oh Lord, for all the wonderful things of this day.  Thank you for all my blessings.  Use me in any way you see fit.  Amen.”

This quote was taken from John Carter Cash’s book, “Anchored In Love”.

It is a prayer that says it all.  Everything that needs saying.  It is the kind of prayer that opens us up to “Be all that We can Be” to ourselves and to others;  and gives thanks to Whom it belongs. 

I pray that I never again get so caught up in my disappointments that I forget to say this prayer – forget to Live this prayer.

Amen!

Coming Home To Myself

This book is full of short reflections for nurturing a woman’s body and soul.  It was compiled by Marion Woodman and Jill Mellick.

I started putting a check mark beside the ones I want to read again and ponder – only problem is there is a check mark on almost every page.

Quote from this book:

When we identify with our childish side
we say,
“I was always a victim.
I will always be a victim
and it’s all my parents’ fault.”
then walk around with a hangdog face
the rest of our lives.

When we gather our child into our arms,
we say,
“My parents were victims of a culture,
as were their parents and their parents.
I shall not be a victim.
I shall take responsibility for my own life.
I shall live creatively.
I shall live now.”

I, personally, lived too many years with shame forced onto me by somebody else’s actions.

Now I realize that I am only responsible for my actions.

I now forgive myself for past mistakes; and give myself permission to make new ones, as I live my life to the best of my ability – one moment at a time.

Abiding Love

It has been seventeen years
and sometimes
for no earthly reason
I look at you
and am reminded once again
how much I love you.
It is a feeling…
a warm, gentle feeling
that makes me come alive.