It is obvious to me now that I wasn’t trusting God to do His part – to change me from the inside out – to heal me.
I kept saying “I turn my will and my life over to You.” But they were just empty words. Words I wish I meant; but didn’t. I had lost my trust in God – lost my connection with Him. I wasn’t about to turn my life over to somebody I could no longer trust with it.
Daily I continued trying to force change on myself that I was not ready for. Changes that would come naturally if I just stopped resisting the Life Force and learned to trust again.
But we just have to ride these things out – continuing to step forward into the future as we feel ready. It is scary to stay broken for so long. Our egos keep telling us that we have to fix ourselves and move forward. Death is just around the corner if you don’t smarten up. The world is still going on without you. It’s passing you by.
You had better “get with it”.
But it is through our brokenness that we find God. And only THEN is it really safe to move forward.
