Life Expectancy Of Grief

It is obvious to me now that I wasn’t trusting God to do His part – to change me from the inside out – to heal me.

I kept saying “I turn my will and my life over to You.”  But they were just empty words.  Words I wish I meant; but didn’t.  I had lost my trust in God – lost my connection with Him.  I wasn’t about to turn my life over to somebody I could no longer trust with it.

Daily I continued trying to force change on myself that I was not ready for.  Changes that would come naturally if I just stopped resisting the Life Force and learned to trust again.

But we just have to ride these things out – continuing to step forward into the future as we feel ready.  It is scary to stay broken for so long.  Our egos keep telling us that we have to fix ourselves and move forward.  Death is just around the corner if you don’t smarten up.  The world is still going on without you.  It’s passing you by. 

You had better “get with it”.

But it is through our brokenness that we find God.  And only THEN is it really safe to move forward.

A Garden Worth Growing

The gentle guide filled his hands with seeds and began his work in the healing ministry that he had waited a lifetime to begin.

The wounded souls were beginning to make their way to his inner light that shone like a beacon through the darkness.

He had felt ready to share this gift with the world for a long time now; but had to wait for the gestation period to be over – and a little longer still to recover the manure from the family garden.

Even with everything in place, he knew better than to get impatient.  It would take a trinity of energies to bring it about for that is the way the universe works.

Living Positively

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MAINTAINING PERFECT HEALTH

1.  Accept criticism as the other person’s problem, not yours.

2.  Appreciate yourself and reaffirm your self-worth whenever necessary.

3.  See the good points in circumstances.  See even problems as happening for the best.

4.  Rather than looking backward with sorrow, look forward with joyous expectation.

5.  Rather than fretting about what you do not have, appreciate what you have.

6.  Learn from mistakes so that you can convert them into triumphs.

7.  Insulate yourself from distasteful surroundings through wholesome detachment.

8.  Let go readily of what you no longer need and make the most of what you now attract.

9.  Grow in courage and self-mastery from every circumstance.

10. Be aware of the larger consciousness of which you are a part. 

Cause is in the subconscious – the unseen.  Effect is in the circumstances – the seen.

I do not know who to credit for the above clipping; but felt it was worth sharing.  I just wish I could hold onto these wonderfully wise words – remembering to make them a living part of my daily walk through life.

               

Unclaimed Anger

As far back as I can remember, my safety lay in me not owning what was going on inside me.

People will abandon me if I say how I really feel.

And even if they stay in my world, they will make me invisible to them which is even more painful than being abandoned.

Well, life has taught me that I may as well own those feelings that are going on inside.  Because if I don’t, the unclaimed anger will just grow bigger and bigger.  Without my conscious knowledge, it will come out sideways – and when it does, it will be WAY bigger than it started out because it has been fed and nourished by the part of me that is feeling victimized.

I SURRENDER ALL THAT I WAS TO MAKE ROOM FOR ALL THAT I CAN BE.

A Long Way Home

When I was in my early thirties, I went back to school.  One of the courses I took was called Group Process.  We were in our 3rd year of looking for “It” without ever being told what “It” was.

On this particular day, we were asked to give ourselves a grade between 1-10.  After some thought, I gave myself a 9.  The teacher was very surprised that I would grade myself so high when it was obvious to everyone that I was still struggling to find my voice.  So he asked me why I gave myself such a high mark.

I  replied, “I realize that I do not contribute as much to the group as everyone else.  But when I have something to say, I push myself to say it.  And knowing how far I have to push myself to say what wants to be said in me, I feel that I deserve a 9.”

He allowed me to keep the grade I had given myself.

Sometimes in judging where we are at in life, we have to remember to look back at where we are coming from; and then give credit where credit is due.