Life Expectancy Of Grief

April 19, 2008 by judilynn43

It is obvious to me now that I wasn’t trusting God to do His part - to change me from the inside out - to heal me.

I kept saying “I turn my will and my life over to You.”  But they were just empty words.  Words I wish I meant; but didn’t.  I had lost my trust in God - lost my connection with Him.  I wasn’t about to turn my life over to somebody I could no longer trust with it.

Daily I continued trying to force change on myself that I was not ready for.  Changes that would come naturally if I just stopped resisting the Life Force and learn to trust again.

But we just have to ride these things out - continuing to step forward into the future as we feel ready.  It is scary to stay broken for so long.  Our egos keep telling us that we have to fix ourselves and move forward.  Death is just around the corner if you don’t smarten up.  The world is still going on without you.  It’s passing you by. 

You had better “get with it”.

But it is through our brokenness that we find God.  And only THEN is it really safe to move forward.

A Garden Worth Growing

April 14, 2008 by judilynn43

The gentle guide filled his hands with seeds and began his work in the healing ministry that he had waited a lifetime to begin.

The wounded souls were beginning to make their way to his inner light that shone like a beacon through the darkness.

He had felt ready to share this gift with the world for a long time now; but had to wait for the gestation period to be over - and a little longer still to recover the manure from the family garden.

Even with everything in place, he knew better than to get impatient.  It would take a trinity of energies to bring it about for that is the way the universe works.

Living Positively

April 4, 2008 by judilynn43

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MAINTAINING PERFECT HEALTH

1.  Accept criticism as the other person’s problem, not yours.

2.  Appreciate yourself and reaffirm your self-worth whenever necessary.

3.  See the good points in circumstances.  See even problems as happening for the best.

4.  Rather than looking backward with sorrow, look forward with joyous expectation.

5.  Rather than fretting about what you do not have, appreciate what you have.

6.  Learn from mistakes so that you can convert them into triumphs.

7.  Insulate yourself from distasteful surroundings through wholesome detachment.

8.  Let go readily of what you no longer need and make the most of what you now attract.

9.  Grow in courage and self-mastery from every circumstance.

10. Be aware of the larger consciousness of which you are a part. 

Cause is in the subconscious - the unseen.  Effect is in the circumstances - the seen.

I do not know who to credit for the above clipping; but felt it was worth sharing.  I just wish I could hold onto these wonderfully wise words - remembering to make them a living part of my daily walk through life.

               

Unclaimed Anger

April 3, 2008 by judilynn43

As far back as I can remember, my safety lay in me not owning what was going on inside me.

People will abandon me if I say how I really feel.

And even if they stay in my world, they will make me invisible to them which is even more painful than being abandoned.

Well, life has taught me that I may as well own those feelings that are going on inside.  Because if I don’t, the unclaimed anger will just grow bigger and bigger.  Without my conscious knowledge, it will come out sideways - and when it does, it will be WAY bigger than it started out because it has been fed and nourished by the part of me that is feeling victimized.

I SURRENDER ALL THAT I WAS TO MAKE ROOM FOR ALL THAT I CAN BE.

A Long Way Home

April 1, 2008 by judilynn43

When I was in my early thirties, I went back to school.  One of the courses I took was called Group Process.  We were in our 3rd year of looking for “It” without ever being told what “It” was.

On this particular day, we were asked to give ourselves a grade between 1-10.  After some thought, I gave myself a 9.  The teacher was very surprised that I would grade myself so high when it was obvious to everyone that I was still struggling to find my voice.  So he asked me why I gave myself such a high mark.

I  replied, “I realize that I do not contribute as much to the group as everyone else.  But when I have something to say, I push myself to say it.  And knowing how far I have to push myself to say what wants to be said in me, I feel that I deserve a 9.”

He allowed me to keep the grade I had given myself.

Sometimes in judging where we are at in life, we have to remember to look back at where we are coming from; and then give credit where credit is due.

Backing Up

March 31, 2008 by judilynn43

I have made a new pact with myself.  I am no longer going to let anybody make me feel bad about myself - me included.  I should say “especially me”.

From here on in, I give myself permission to respect my limitations - no longer placing unrealistic expectations on myself. 

By the same token, I respect other peoples’ inability to live up to my unrealistic expectations for them.

Sometimes what comes easy for one person is very difficult for another.

Maybe I have pushed myself too far for too long and just need time to catch up to myself on all levels.  We’ll see - one day at a time - one step at a time.

And if, in the meantime, all I find myself doing is backing up, so be it.  I will just live the rest of my life backing up.

A New Philosophy For Living My Life

March 29, 2008 by judilynn43

When I think of all the time I have wasted in my life being unhappy, I can not believe it.  All those precious moments wasted wanting things to be different from what they were.  Wanting situations to be different - wanting other people to be different - wanting me to be different. Instead of just accepting what IS and putting my energy into making the MOST of the moment.

I have a new philosophy for living - one that I am devoting my ALL to:

Free my heart from hatred - in all its forms; no matter how subtle.

Free my mind from worries - even those nameless anxieties that haven’t quite made it to the surface yet.

Live simply.  Just BE and allow others to do the same.

Give more.  LIVE in the moment - giving all that is needed in the moment.

 Expect less - of myself, of other people, of life.

Reasons For Emotional Eating

March 20, 2008 by lydia2007

I was going through some papers I have collected over the years on this subject that has been a major life problem for me.

I have come to know myself really well these last couple years through being coached by John Dempsey - a Six-Advisor coach - and by studying my dreams.  I see the truth of these statements for me.

Some of the reasons behind compulsive hunger and eating can  include:

Dependency - a need to be taken care of, to be protected.

Fear

Anger - related to others or oneself

Desire for perfection, achievement

Emotional Isolation

Depression

When a person uses food, or engages in any compulsive behavior to solve these needs, they are always disappointed.  These needs can not be met through compulsive behavior.  They can be dealt with more adequately by a program of personal growth and lifestyle recovery.

We need to learn how to live in healthy relationships with our Higher Power (God) and with other people before we can achieve a healthy relationship with food.

Sisterhood

March 1, 2008 by lydia2007

The thing I love most about growing older is the Sisterhood I now have that my world lacked when I was younger.  Oh, I had sisters and I had female friends; but now it just feels different.  We seem to be there More for one another - in a different way - in a “Sisterhood” sort of way.

One of my sisters sent me this email a few months back which I saved because I liked it so much.

 SISTERS

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother.  As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

“Don’t forget your Sisters,” she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass.  “They’ll be more important as you get older.  No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters.  Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.”

“Remember that Sisters means ALL women…your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives, and even women who are not in your immediate circle of family and friends.  You’ll need other women.  Women always do.”

“What a funny piece of advice,” the young woman thought.  “Haven’t I just gotten married?  Haven’t I just joined the couple world?  I’m now a married woman, for goodness sake!  A grown-up!  Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!”

But she listened to her mother.  She kept in contact with her Sisters; and made more women friends each year.  As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about.  As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After more than 50 years of living in this world here is what I’ve learned:

THIS SAYS IT ALL:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don’t do what they’re supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT…….

Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.  A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach.  When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley’s rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley’s end.

Sometimes they will even break the rules and walk beside you…Or come in and carry you out.  Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins, and extended family all bless our life!

The world wouldn’t be the same without women, and neither would I.  When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead.  Nor did we know how much we would need each other.  Every day, we need each other still.

I do not know who wrote that - but it is making the rounds-and I am glad it crossed my path.  It felt good to acknowledge and give thought to the growing importance of my Sisters in my life. 

I wish this had crossed my path when I was a young woman - I think my heartaches would have been fewer and farther between.

Fully Armed Against Emotional Eating

February 28, 2008 by lydia2007

I wish to thank the sister who forwarded me this link on emotional eating:  http://www.sparkpeople.com/resource/motivation_articles.asp?id=596

This article gave me the idea of keeping a food journal and recording in it the impulses to eat that are not hunger related.  It will help me to become more mindful of those times;  and what the underlying triggers are.

They went on to say that emotional eating occurs when we lose our connection to our grounded self.  Nine times out of ten, something has just occurred which causes us to feel helpless, overwhelmed, ashamed, or afraid.

Another helpful suggestion was to make sure you are eating healthy food which will make you less vulnerable to these attacks.  If you are even a little bit hungry, you are more likely to weaken and give in to that urge to eat.

This was unexpectedly confirmed for me this week.  I am intentionally eating more vegetables and grains.  In my mind, the urge to eat has come upon me a few times;  but there is still a fullness in my stomach that discourages the thought of any more food coming in….An unexpected bonus.