A New Strength

I have had self esteem issues my whole life so I can empathize with anyone being held back by low feelings about yourself.

There are two important things to keep in mind while trying to function in the world when suffering from this handicap:

1)  Do everything you can to keep these feelings at a minimum by keeping yourself clean and neat when going out in public.  Even more importantly, make sure your behavior meets with your approval.  Keep in mind that you are only human.  When you fall short, explore the reasons why  and then decide what you can do about it.

2)  Do not accept other peoples’ attempts to put you down or keep you down.  Sometimes their biases keep them from treating you with the respect that you deserve.  You do not have to own this by allowing it to trigger bad feelings about yourself.  Look at the situation with open eyes.  Be aware of what is really going on.  The world is not always as compassionate as it should be.  As much as possible, avoid these people.  And when you can’t avoid them, just being aware that the problem is theirs, not yours, will fill you with a new strength.

Facing Our Aloneness

“Solitude is the place where our aloneness can bear fruit.  It is the home for our restless bodies and anxious minds……It is not an easy place to be, since we are so insecure and fearful that we are easily distracted by whatever promises immediate satisfaction.  Solitude is not immediately satisfying, because in solitude we meet our demons, our addictions, our feelings of lust and anger, and our immense need for recognition and approval.  But if we do not run away, we will meet there also the One who says, “Do not be afraid.  I am with you, and I will guide you through the valley of darkness.”

This is an excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s book “Bread For The Journey”.  His deep wisdom amazes me.  This could only have been written by somebody who dared to face his aloneness with Full Consciousness – not running from what he saw – courageously staying with that great emptiness – resisting all temptations to escape – until he got in touch with the Godhead that was there all along – just out of reach.

This takes faith worth having – maybe even more faith than you are aware of having in the moment.

 

Life Expectancy Of Grief

It is obvious to me now that I wasn’t trusting God to do His part – to change me from the inside out – to heal me.

I kept saying “I turn my will and my life over to You.”  But they were just empty words.  Words I wish I meant; but didn’t.  I had lost my trust in God – lost my connection with Him.  I wasn’t about to turn my life over to somebody I could no longer trust with it.

Daily I continued trying to force change on myself that I was not ready for.  Changes that would come naturally if I just stopped resisting the Life Force and learned to trust again.

But we just have to ride these things out – continuing to step forward into the future as we feel ready.  It is scary to stay broken for so long.  Our egos keep telling us that we have to fix ourselves and move forward.  Death is just around the corner if you don’t smarten up.  The world is still going on without you.  It’s passing you by. 

You had better “get with it”.

But it is through our brokenness that we find God.  And only THEN is it really safe to move forward.

A Garden Worth Growing

The gentle guide filled his hands with seeds and began his work in the healing ministry that he had waited a lifetime to begin.

The wounded souls were beginning to make their way to his inner light that shone like a beacon through the darkness.

He had felt ready to share this gift with the world for a long time now; but had to wait for the gestation period to be over – and a little longer still to recover the manure from the family garden.

Even with everything in place, he knew better than to get impatient.  It would take a trinity of energies to bring it about for that is the way the universe works.

Living Positively

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR MAINTAINING PERFECT HEALTH

1.  Accept criticism as the other person’s problem, not yours.

2.  Appreciate yourself and reaffirm your self-worth whenever necessary.

3.  See the good points in circumstances.  See even problems as happening for the best.

4.  Rather than looking backward with sorrow, look forward with joyous expectation.

5.  Rather than fretting about what you do not have, appreciate what you have.

6.  Learn from mistakes so that you can convert them into triumphs.

7.  Insulate yourself from distasteful surroundings through wholesome detachment.

8.  Let go readily of what you no longer need and make the most of what you now attract.

9.  Grow in courage and self-mastery from every circumstance.

10. Be aware of the larger consciousness of which you are a part. 

Cause is in the subconscious – the unseen.  Effect is in the circumstances – the seen.

I do not know who to credit for the above clipping; but felt it was worth sharing.  I just wish I could hold onto these wonderfully wise words – remembering to make them a living part of my daily walk through life.

               

Unclaimed Anger

As far back as I can remember, my safety lay in me not owning what was going on inside me.

People will abandon me if I say how I really feel.

And even if they stay in my world, they will make me invisible to them which is even more painful than being abandoned.

Well, life has taught me that I may as well own those feelings that are going on inside.  Because if I don’t, the unclaimed anger will just grow bigger and bigger.  Without my conscious knowledge, it will come out sideways – and when it does, it will be WAY bigger than it started out because it has been fed and nourished by the part of me that is feeling victimized.

I SURRENDER ALL THAT I WAS TO MAKE ROOM FOR ALL THAT I CAN BE.

A Long Way Home

When I was in my early thirties, I went back to school.  One of the courses I took was called Group Process.  We were in our 3rd year of looking for “It” without ever being told what “It” was.

On this particular day, we were asked to give ourselves a grade between 1-10.  After some thought, I gave myself a 9.  The teacher was very surprised that I would grade myself so high when it was obvious to everyone that I was still struggling to find my voice.  So he asked me why I gave myself such a high mark.

I  replied, “I realize that I do not contribute as much to the group as everyone else.  But when I have something to say, I push myself to say it.  And knowing how far I have to push myself to say what wants to be said in me, I feel that I deserve a 9.”

He allowed me to keep the grade I had given myself.

Sometimes in judging where we are at in life, we have to remember to look back at where we are coming from; and then give credit where credit is due.

Backing Up

I have made a new pact with myself.  I am no longer going to let anybody make me feel bad about myself – me included.  I should say “especially me”.

From here on in, I give myself permission to respect my limitations – no longer placing unrealistic expectations on myself. 

By the same token, I respect other peoples’ inability to live up to my unrealistic expectations for them.

Sometimes what comes easy for one person is very difficult for another.

Maybe I have pushed myself too far for too long and just need time to catch up to myself on all levels.  We’ll see – one day at a time – one step at a time.

And if, in the meantime, all I find myself doing is backing up, so be it.  I will just live the rest of my life backing up.

A New Philosophy For Living My Life

When I think of all the time I have wasted in my life being unhappy, I can not believe it.  All those precious moments wasted wanting things to be different from what they were.  Wanting situations to be different – wanting other people to be different – wanting me to be different. Instead of just accepting what IS and putting my energy into making the MOST of the moment.

I have a new philosophy for living – one that I am devoting my ALL to:

Free my heart from hatred – in all its forms; no matter how subtle.

Free my mind from worries – even those nameless anxieties that haven’t quite made it to the surface yet.

Live simply.  Just BE and allow others to do the same.

Give more.  LIVE in the moment – giving all that is needed in the moment.

 Expect less – of myself, of other people, of life.

Reasons For Emotional Eating

I was going through some papers I have collected over the years on this subject that has been a major life problem for me.

I have come to know myself really well these last couple years through being coached by John Dempsey – a Six-Advisor coach – and by studying my dreams.  I see the truth of these statements for me.

Some of the reasons behind compulsive hunger and eating can  include:

Dependency – a need to be taken care of, to be protected.

Fear

Anger – related to others or oneself

Desire for perfection, achievement

Emotional Isolation

Depression

When a person uses food, or engages in any compulsive behavior to solve these needs, they are always disappointed.  These needs can not be met through compulsive behavior.  They can be dealt with more adequately by a program of personal growth and lifestyle recovery.

We need to learn how to live in healthy relationships with our Higher Power (God) and with other people before we can achieve a healthy relationship with food.